


Don’t Let Go

by DigitalGhost



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Has Panic Attacks, Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Civil War, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Stucky - Freeform, bucky just wanted waffles, fluff at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-21 21:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16584509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigitalGhost/pseuds/DigitalGhost
Summary: Bucky just wanted to get some waffles, but his broken mind has other plans.





	Don’t Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> "can i get a waffle? Can i please get a waffle?"

It was a Saturday morning in the Avengers Tower, and as Saturday mornings went, this one was not bad. Most of the team had gone on a mission late last night, so majority of the kitchen’s usual occupants were sleeping in. Bucky hadn’t gone, and neither had Steve, so they were fixing themselves some breakfast, along with Thor, Wanda and Natasha.

“Buck, do you want any apple juice?“ Steve asked, opening the fridge.

“As long as it’s actually apple juice this time,” Bucky replied, smirking at Natasha, who then returned the expression.

Last week, he, Sam, and Natasha had put the apple juice in the orange juice jug, and vice versa. They were very visibly different from each other though, so they all were surprised when Steve had accidentally drank a whole glass of orange juice without realizing the mix-up. His reaction, _’Why is is there pulp in my juice?’_ , was something Bucky still teased him about.

“This is why I drink coffee instead,” said Thor from the table, a cup of said steaming coffee in his hand.

“We can still poison you though,” Bucky replied, looking through the depths of the freezer. “Hey Steve, the frozen waffles are in the garage freezer, right?” He already knew they were there, he just wanted the others to know he was going to get waffles, and not run off and kill someone, or something.

Steve nodded, and Bucky proceeded on his way. Though all the Hydra stuff was gone from his mind thanks to the Wakandians, A) you could never be too careful, and B) he wasn't sure if the other Avengers besides Steve trusted him.

He sure as hell wouldn’t.

Exiting the kitchen, Bucky walked through a few hallways, then entered the stairwell and began his descent. He could’ve taken the elevator, but he prefered moving himself, visually making progress, than standing an enclosed metal space, with no hints of his surroundings beyond those metal walls. It reminded him too much of… harder times.

After what seemed like _forever_ (but was probably just six or seven minutes), he finally found the door where Tony housed some vehicles, some high-tech stuff, and some regular garage things, like a freezer. Except Bucky was pretty sure most garage freezers aren’t walk-in ones.

Opening the garage door, he saw that the last, vast room was nearly pitch-black, the only illumination was faint sunlight peeking in from small windows on far-off walls. He didn’t expect the darkness to be a problem, though. He’d been in here enough times to know the general way to the freezer. Without too much stumbling, anyway.

At first, Bucky did fine. He could see big obstacles a bit, and tried to watch for dark shapes near to the floor, in case something smaller was in his path.

Apparently he wasn’t watching hard enough, because his fuzzy-socked feet hit something hard and unexpectedly. Next thing he knew, the Winter Soldier had fallen.

Grumbling nothing distinct, he got to his feet, and continued his little journey.

His feet seemed to have minds of their own, however, and promptly ran him into a big-ish piece of machinery.

When he hit it, not only did he curse under his breath, but the technology let out a short series of loud noises, each different but still all loud and booming the way a gunshot was...

_They were testing testing the new arm looking down the barrel toward the faceless shooter muscles tense Bang and now there was bleeding bleeding a lot it was so red so very red seeing red a red star_

Taking a shaky breath, he hauled himself up (for he had fallen to the floor again), and went on his way, going more slowly and trying to calm himself.

There was a thing that Steve did to Bucky whenever he got nervous or upset; Steve wold take his nimble fingers and press them along Bucky’s upper spine, by his shoulder blades. He reached up to see if it would work, pressing his hand onto his back, but he’d reached up with his left arm, and the cold metal pierced through his t-shirt and right to his skin. Not able to suppress a shiver, he put his hand back down-

_Hanging from the pines barely conscious seeing two stumps a tree and an arm who’s was that they must be in a lot of pain barely conscious the stump hurts it hurts getting delusional barely conscious hearing screaming it hurts barely conscious there’s someone’s face who is it has God come to fetch the dead barely conscious_

He has to slap himself with his metal arm, to remind himself that he’s not there anymore, he’s here in Avengers Tower, he’s safe.

Safe from others maybe.

His metal arm is tense, and he tried to relax it but it doesn’t work, it’s tense, it keeps tensing up, it's tense, tense like when they’d restrain-

 _They have the report now just let him be just wipe him so he doesn’t have to remember remembering means thinking thinking makes things complicated thinking hurts all he has to do is get in position and pull the trigger nope no thinking get these memories_ **_out_ ** _it hurts it hurts get them out it hurts it hurts it hurts it’s gone_

_It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts…_

 

-

 

Steve looked up at the clock, as he’s done every ten seconds for the past five minutes. Still no sign of him.

“Look,” Natasha said simply, not even looking up from her novel. “If you’re so worried about your boyfriend, just go find him.” She idly turned a page.

Steve complied, leaving the two glasses of apple juice untouched on the counter.

Speed-walking through the hallways, his eyes combed the surroundings, looking for signs of a struggle. Nothing.

After coming down the stairs, he came to the door he was pretty sure was the garage; the tower was so big…

He opened the door, only to find a vast pitch-black room. Steve stepped inside the room and ran his hand along the wall, looking for the light switch. He finally found it tucked away behind some old snow shovels, and turned it on.

The whole room’s lights took a moment to turn on, but he immediately starting scanning the room for Bucky.

He wasn’t by the freezer… not anywhere by the entrance… a glint of silver caught his eye, and he looked for the source, it had come from over there, what was-

Oh.

Steve walked forward, talking slow and cautious steps instead of hurried and anxious ones.

“Buck?” He asked, just to make sure it was him, and not the Winter Soldier, surely T’Challa’s scientists had gotten all of it out, surely it was still Bucky, surely-

A small sound came from Bucky’s collapsed form, so quiet it was more like a loud breath.

He knelt down, touched his hand to Bucky’s upper back, running his hand across his shirt, feeling the slowing pulse beneath the cloth. He could feel Bucky’s breathing slowly calm down, and his body loosening, muscles no longer tense. Steve kept his hand on his back, just smoothing it over now.

“Steve,” Bucky said quietly, and Steve knew he was back, his mind out of whatever nightmare he’d been experiencing. “I-I don’t-”

“Stop.” Steve said, gentle but firm. He helped him sit up, where they were at eye level. Bucky wasn't meeting his eyes, looking past Steve at the ground, a look of self-depreciation on his face.

“Buck. Buck, look. Look at me.” Bucky’s clouded eyes hesitantly looked up and found Steve’s concerned ones. “You’re safe. You’re here, in Avengers Tower with me, safe. You’re safe.”

“I know.” Bucky said hoarsely after a slight pause. He looked up at Steve, and smiled faintly. “Thanks.”

Steve chuckled a little, a smile too growing on his face. “Oh, Buck...” He planted a deep kiss on Bucky’s lips, then breathed out contentedly, resting their foreheads together.

He didn’t let go of Bucky for the rest of the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> wasnt that trash? this turned out longer than i thought yay me i guess  
> anyway kudos, comment, the works, please and thank you  
> 


End file.
